My father is a faithful patron of the Macey's Thanksgiving Day parade.
Five years ago Dad could hardly sneak in to watch the second half of the parade-- due to his jam-packed Thanksgiving agenda. In order to make good time for this important event, he has learned to rise early, work quickly, and finish all preparations before the sun has fully risen. After speedily massaging the raw, naked fowl and popping it in the oven, he will inevitably go upstairs before any of us are awake and turn on the TV to watch the parade from tip to toe.
"Well it's a BEAUTIFUL Thanksgiving day here in the neighborhood of New York City," says one announcer to the camera. He is wearing earmuffs and a bow-tie.
"Why yes, Stan, it most certainly is," replies the female announcer on his right, "but the air is cleanest on (pause) SESAME STREET. Just look at those muppets!"
As an enormous float bearing Elmo, Oscar, and Big Bird fills up the TV screen, my dad begins his favorite part of Thanksgiving-- the critical commentary:
"Oh ho! Can you believe these guys? Every year they're drunk! They all have hangovers!"
There's a crash of cymbals and a high school marching band passes behind the float.
Bleary-eyed Stan takes the camera again.
"And here is the BEST high school marching band in the country-- they traveled over 2,000 miles from Pennsylvania to be here today. It's their first trip to NYC so we want to give them a warm, holiday welcome to the Big City," he says.
His smile has the odd ability to show all 32 of his teeth.
My dad's favorite part of the critical commentary is not the ridiculously huge floats, the creepy, King-Kong sized balloons, or the annoying circus music. It's making fun of the announcers.
"What?!? Pennsylvania is not 2,000 miles from New York!" He exclaims as if the announcers had done him an incredibly personal injustice. "What did they do? Get lost on the way? Stop in Disneyland first? Psh!"
After the parade is over my father reaches for the remote. As he turns the TV off he wears a satisfied smirk on his lips. For a man not accustomed to criticizing others, yelling at the stupidity of these holiday anchormen and women is a sort of therapy.
Another Thanksgiving Day, under the belt.
3 comments:
HAHA. we just talked about this on the phone.
so, could you change your settings so that it leaves several posts up on your blog instead of automatically archiving them when you post a new one? Like maybe allow 6 or something?
HAHA!!!!!
It took me a minute to figure out why the female announcer said that the air is cleanest on Sesame Street. I questioned the 2,000 miles comment before I read the rest of the post as well. Very nice.
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