#10: Hairy armpits... on women.Self explanatory: shave your pits, and the world will be a happier, healthier place. If not, then please put on a long-sleeved shirt.
#9: Hangnails.
Is there anything worse than trying to make your bed, and having your hangnail catch on the sheet? There is nothing quite as painful or annoying. Too bad I don't like steak... supposively eating more protein helps prevent these little suckers.
#8: Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
Every time I am trapped in the car with my mom behind the wheel, I am forced to listen to... "Shut up! You're pregnant! And your husband is... gay? You are the dumbest girl I have ever talked to. Call me back when you get a life." Click.
#7: Gheorghe Zamfir.
For sixteen years I have listened to this Pan-flute virtuoso murder such classics as John Denver's Annie's Song, Billy Joel's She's Always a Woman, and the crownig glory-- Yesterday, by The Beatles. Words cannot describe the shrill melodies that escape from this man's pipe.
Mr. Zamfir: you are hairy and old. Please announce your retirement and go back to Romania.
#6: Judge Judy. Primetime T.V. watching for me on weekdays is at 3:00 p.m., right when Judy Sheindlin's infamous show begins. Why Fox still airs it is beyond my comprehension. Why I watch it is even more baffling. The court cases are ridiculous. Watching people trash talk each other over trivial matters is much more entertaining than it should be, though still not enjoyable.
Oh, and Judy, please don't write anymore children's books. You are corrupting them with your negativity and colorful language.
#5: Boogers and Books.
They don't mix. Have you ever checked out a book from your local public library, only to find little crusties on the edge of the pages? I have. A word to whoever blew snot all over my copy of Gone With the Wind: Don't blow or pick your nose while you read. I don't care if it itches, or you have a cold. Keep the fingers out!
Putrecent nose-pickers...
#4: Itchy tags.
Hail to the designer geniuses who invented the tagless T-shirt! At last someone understands that I would rather walk around in my bra than wear a shirt with an itchy, obnoxious, tag in the back.
#3: Orange skin.
It happens to the best of us. We just get so curious about that fake tanning lotion, or that tinted spray... "a beautiful bronze," quothe the bottle. Well, I look back on streaky, orange, oompa-loompa legs and beg to differ those adjectives.
#2: The mysterious missing sock.
It happens every time I wash my clothes. A single sock is eaten by the washing machine monster. And he always chooses the cute ones, that don't go with any other socks. I now have a whole drawer of single patterned socks without any friends.
#1: Swass.
You're in a car with leather seats. It's hot outside... well over ninety degrees. Upon arriving to your destination, you exit the vehicle and- oh man- your butt is wet. Sick.
5 comments:
Genuis. I hate all of the things that you hate and it's NOT just because we speak at precisely the same decibel and even Carol doesn't know which is which.
But I would like to stress how much I despise, REALLY hate, green spots in BYU library books. Time after time, I was forced to offer a silent prayer, skip a page of erasing, and keep trekkin' in Book Repair. Boogers in Books is gross. ESPECIALLY when you're a 25 year old college student. Zion? i think not.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. All I can say is that at least the boogers were sanctified by their owner's faithfulness and strong testimony.
This is definitely the funniest post I've read in a long time. Kudos.
fuuny!
Hi! I can spell, just can't type! "fuuny" . I'm not a "dr" laura radio listener. She lives nearby and writes a column for local paper. I see her as sadistic and a total fraud. She's out of touch with her community. Did you see my other posts? The nude pix are old but just such an obvious LIE. She's a serial liar. She's dangerous because she appeals to needy people, not that all she says is wrong, it's what she does to the vulnerable. In a bigger picture she has many followers she can lead to destruction. It's good you're expressing your view. You're fun to read. Are you from Santa Barbara? Did you know Sam?
Post a Comment