Thursday, August 10, 2006

Hairy Blopper: Installment #1


Hairy Blopper and the Purple Sock
Written and illustrated by Joslynn Christensen with ideas and input from Nataile Edge
Chapter I
Hairy Introduced
Our story starts deep in the firry heart of a land where magic carpets and puffy Aladdin pants are still in fashion. The hero of this tale is a young boy- aged thirteen- with a sleek black mullet and coke bottle glasses. His name is Hairy Blopper.
Hairy Blopper is a highly unusual boy. One may assume (and I have no idea why) that this uniqueness could be attributed to the anomalous lightining shaped scar on his forehead. However, that most certainly is not the case. There are no hidden powers in this particular scar, no secret messages, and no cause for fame. The fact is that Hairy received it while on a Gondola Serenade Tour in Venice a few years back. The Gondolier dropped his stick, giving Hairy quite the nasty cut. Of course, there is no comparison as to what happened to the Gondolier after the accident... But that's beside the point.
Hairy Blopper is unique, because Harry Blopper is a prince. He owns 40 acres of fertile land on the outstretch of Tunisia, a shrinking manservant, a palace with two Russian onion domes, and three chickens. Do you know many thirteen-year olds who own a manservant? I thought not. Therefore Hairy Blopper's individuality is undeniable. Not only that, but his manservant has green skin, I could add. But that would be a unique characterstic to the manservant, and not Hairy, so we will disregard it.
I'm afraid we must focus for a moment on Hairy's temperment. While the Harry YOU might have in mind is humble and dear, this Hairy is nothing more than a pampered little prince. Unique or not, he is spoiled rotten by his parents (yes he has parents) and whenever his poor goon of a manservant puts one putrid, cracking, yellow toenail out of line he is whipped- CRACK- right across his shriveled hump of a back. Hairy was SO rotten, in fact, that his aunt and uncle (a good honest young couple) at last convinced Hairy's parents to send him to a reformatory school. And THAT is where our story really begins.
Chapter II
An actual beginning
"AB!" Shrieked a pre-pubescent's voice from somewhere in the back of the car.
Hairy Blopper sat amongst mountainous red velvet cushions on the train ride to Moldywart's School for Badly Behaved Youth. His parents had kindly booked him a private car, and in return he had kindly bit his mother's chin as she tried to kiss him goodbye.
"Abdul!"
A green fingernail wrapped itself slowly around the edge of the compartment door.
"Come show your face you ugly git. I want some chocolate. No! I want something to punch! Now come here!"
Abdul-Azim came shuffling into the car. The compartment door snapped shut behind him, and he jumped nervously at the startling sound.
"Ab... I'm going to sock you for telling Mum and Dad I drowned those kittens. They were mad on the way up here-- you're going to get it-- Where are my chickens!"
Abdul-or should we call him Azim?- wheezed nervously. He had tended Hairy ever since he was a wee thing, (and let me assure you he was just as bad mannered then as he is now) and was now getting much too old for this kind of stress.
"Master," panted the tiny man-- or whatever he was, "master, if you please sir, the chickies are in the baggage cart-"
"Oh shut up, you old hag," said Hairy impatiently.
..........................................................................................................................................................................
And that is as far as we shall get tonight. Sorry folks, I'm sure you're dying to read more.

8 comments:

Nedge said...

I love it, I love it, I LOVE it!!! You are going to be famous, Jos! I especially loved the picture! How long did that take you? I LOVE the story!!! You are going to me famous!!!! Whoo-whee! Awesome.

Nedge said...

Once again, I cannot write. "You are going to me famous." Was supposed to be "You are going to be famous."

Nedge said...

I can't believe you remembered the penguins! Awesome!!!

Joslynn said...

I told you I was serious, and now you know I was. However, I need your input (even though I had a dislexic moment on your name-- Nataile. Heh.) because this story suffers greatly from lack of... a point. Where should we go with this?
I hope you had fun at girl's camp.

Nedge said...

What do you mean, "where should we go with this"??? It probably won't ever have a point! Like the Lemony Snicket books...what are they called? A Series of Unfortunate Events...or something like that...That series has no discernable point, and yet, they are very popular!!! No...I believe you're right. There should be a point. Maybe this series will show a snotty spoiled brat eventually disciplined and cultivated into a handsome, nice person, who buys all of Montana and Wyoming (they have no use) to create four separate ecosystems for poor and depressed zoo animals, with space to run, and fun to have...or something like that.

Joslynn said...

I think that is a lovely thought and a fantastic idea. I'm going to have to take you up on that one-- or, better yet, you could write it with me!

Anonymous said...

Joslynn:
Hello my dear. Well in my boredom I decided to visit your sight and I was pleasently surprised with this unique story. I especially enjoyed the picture. I was very impressed. You did a lovely job. I can't wait to read more on Hairy Blobber......You have me hooked.

Anonymous said...

JOSLYNN!!!! DO SOMETHING MORE!!! KEEP WRITING, I'M WAITING...
TAP TAP TAP..