Mud + Heels = Humiliation

I knew my life had taken a turn for the worst when I realized I was stuck on top of the Turnbow's chain link fence.
It is a common joke amongst the people in my ward that I drive to church every Sunday. Certainly, the chapel is terribly close to my home, but I do think I have a sound argument in saying that when one wears uncomfortable shoes, one cannot be expected to trek across fields full of mud and horse excrement. Even so, they still said I was polluting the Earth. Today I decided to prove them wrong. So I walked.
I knew the muses were frowning upon me when I saw the gate that links the top of my street to the chapel. It was padlocked, wrapped tight with a good strong chain and some sturdy rope. How could my lifetime of good luck have run out so quickly on such a deserving, cheerful, Sunday morning?
I had a choice: go back defeated or surrender my pride and climb over. I climbed. My heel stuck in the chain links. I abandoned it. The tulle of my skirt caught and snagged, exposing a good deal more leg than it is appropriate to say. At that moment several high priests from my ward chose to walk by. In desperation I wildly beat at my skirt, trying to lengthen it. By the time I became visible to them through the trees I had managed to compose myself on the top of the fence post-parakeet style- nonchalantly gazing in the opposite direction, praying to Heaven or to the cruel muses that I would blend in with the scenery.
It didn't work.
They questioned my position. They asked me if I would be joining them at church anytime soon, and did I need help? Oh no, I told them. I'm just... sitting. Enjoying the morning.
Sitting? On top of a fence? With my skirt tucked under me, scraped legs, and mussed up hair like an amazon woman? I think not...
Oh, muses!
By the time I made it to the other side of the gate I was sufficiently bedraggled; I had pine needles in my hair, and mud on my feet. I spent a good while trying to get my shoe unstuck, and the harder I pulled the more disconcerted I became. Needless to say, I was a complete wreck.
Earth, I do indeed love you. But until the Turnbows decide to be better neighbors and unlock their gate, I will continue to pollute you with my Sunday drives.