It always seemed like such a mystery to me, your arrival. You could have come at any time. How many October fifteenths have I lived through, never suspecting it would be the day you would be born? It was a beautiful day. A good day.
I went to the hospital at 7:15 in the morning to be induced. The nurse was very kind to me. I was shaking and my blood pressure was high-- my heart raced. I was so scared to have you.
It was a long day, as you might imagine. I was never in terrible pain. Your papa was the biggest help with that. He stood by my side and held my hand for 15 hours, right up until the moment you came. I was so tired then. I heard you cry. I felt such profound relief and such grief. Having you was hard. You were such a big baby! I couldn't push you out on my own. The doctor used forceps and the vacuum and you still wouldn't come. Your papa said he saw your head. He said you had a lot of hair, and you did. I wanted to cry but I was too tired. The doctor had to do a c section after 13 hours of labor. I will never stop being sad that you were introduced to this beautiful world so violently.
You won't remember, but you were brave and cried far less than you had a right to while we healed.
When I saw you for the first time your chin was quivering and you were crying as the nurses weighed you on the scale. You were brand new, just taking your first breaths. You weighed ten pounds. You had a black eye and a bruise on the top of your head from the vacuum.
You were so beautiful.
I wondered where you came from, it seemed too impossibly amazing that you could exist. You are more wonderful than I ever could have hoped.
You were worth it.
I love you, Flynn.
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